Dear Mr Dastigir,
My name is Alexander Goncalves. I am a year 7 student and I’m concerned about something extremely important. I have a concern about fighting in school. There have been a lot of fights around the school. I believe that all of these fights begin by pupils insulting each other. They play around but then when they involve racism and family that’s when they take it as an insult. That’s how they start these fights
I think that people should just ignore the bad influences and focus on what you have to do. If the teacher finds out that someone was distracting you there will be a consequence for their actions.
I also think that these things happen by other people spreading rumors around the school. Once everyone has heard it they respect the one who wins the cuss fights they know to respect them otherwise they will cuss you or fight you and seriously hurt you.
Most people think that people only do this to get attention so that they can be respected and so that people can be more kind to them. most people start rap battles so they can see if they are actually bad or not.
if they are caught doing fighting or rap battles I think that they should be punished Because they are affecting them and people around you.This affects other people by younger children thinking it’s acceptable to say it in public and at home then they get into trouble they’re the only one which gets into trouble.
If you just ignore them it won’t be a problem. if they keep causing a problem you should just tell the teacher a they will deal will it.
I know that you’ve done this in assembly before but people has been ignoring your advice. I think that you should take it more seriously and start giving out more punishments.
I think that if some someone had a fight. Then someone got hurt and told a teacher after you find out who it was. If they insist that it wasnt them they should check through CCTV cameras and find out if it was actually them.
I think that if pupils lie about it they should get an 1 hour detention after school. Just to make sure that they skip it the teacher should pick them up after the lesson.
For the people who just joined the school, you should tell them in assembly that you should not fight or insult other people in school other wise you into a leadership detention.
In order to persuade them you must come up with a good persuasive beginning middle and end. if you ignore this advice it would possibly come in one ear and come out another ear.
we should just start being More mature and start being more responsible for our own actions. I think that you should listen to my advice because if someone has a fight and someone gets really hurt and their mum finds out it’s not his fault its your fault for not talking to them.
Your sincerely
Alexander Goncalves
March 22, 2015 at 9:26 pm
So far, so good – but what’s the big issue? How will you develop this in a way to persuade Mr Dastagir?
March 26, 2015 at 2:38 pm
By putting more pusuasive writing into my writing.
April 16, 2015 at 12:11 am
This has really shown some development but there’s still some way to go before you achieve your Transactional Writing badge. Which persuasive devices were you planning to use? Where? Why?
Targets
1) Aim to re-draft at least one paragraph in order to achieve the Perfect Paragraph badge
http://achieve.community.edutronic.net/stage-one-writing/perfect-paragraph/
How will you meet this criteria?
2) Always re-read and edit sentence length/structure
3) Be consistent with your use if tense
4) How might you be more formal?
June 4, 2015 at 8:09 am
Hello Alex,
You still have another 200 words to go before you have reached your minimum word limit.
Thanks,
Mr North
June 4, 2015 at 2:01 pm
I’ve run out of ideas
June 24, 2015 at 6:08 pm
Alexander,
You have reached your minimum word limit. It’s not the ideas that you need to develop, it’s that you must now proof-read and edit your work.
Focus on the following:
– spelling
– sentence length (try to use no more than one conjunction per sentence)
– sentence structure